I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You!
by Yellowfur
Summary: Stars from your favorite cartoons and animes come together on this game show and have to competitively eat something repulsive for a big prize! New celebrity host every chapter! Not for the queasy!
1. The Simpsons VS The Griffins!

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within, or Chuck Norris. Finally, we don't own the concept of 'Underground Classrooms' (Thanks to Invader Zim for the awesome idea). What's with today, today? **

**Welcome to the first installment of 'I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You!' As briefly stated in the summary, characters from two different cartoons or animes have to compete for a wonderful prize! The catch? Whatever they spin on the show's wheel, they have to eat! This week is the Simpsons from "The Simpsons" versus the Griffins from "Family Guy", everybody's favorite cartoon families!**

**Chuck Norris will explain the rest of the rules (every episode will have a new celebrity guest host). But not ALL the rules are laid out before you. Many rules are made up as the show goes on!**

**Note: If you dislike randomness, or either really, really love or really, really hate Chuck Norris, it might be a good idea not to read this fic.

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"Welcome, glorious audience to the premiere of 'I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You!'" A deep narrator voice filled the studio, packed with loud, clapping people eager to watch the next hit reality show. "Watch the glory of the original reality show that is already a hit in Uzbekistan! And nooow, your celebrity guest host for tonight, CHUCK NORRIS!"

Instantly, Chuck Norris back flipped onto the stage. "Hello! Welcome to the very first taping of 'I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You'!"

The cameraman, whose name tag read "Hello, my name is avatarjk137" looked confused. "We already said that! Bring out the contestants," he hissed the orders with relatively low volume through his teeth.

"Aaaannnnd now, give a warm welcome to one family of contestants! The Simpsons!"

The Simpsons walked onstage and waved to the crowd. Bart made a couple of obscene hand gestures, then mooned the crowd. This just made them cheer harder.

"And on the other side, The Griffins!"

The Griffins did the same as The Simpsons. "Oh yeah! Who's your daddy?" Peter shouted happily.

"Now, how about I explain the ruuuuuuules?!" Chuck jumped high in the air with a spin kick. "Both families will send one contestant up at a time to spin the Wheel of Foodstuffs! Whatever you land one, YOU MUST EAT!" Chuck paused to punch the air right above his head. "If you throw up before finishing, pass out, or just plain refuse to touch it with a twenty-foot pole, you get sent to the UNDERGROUND CLASSROOMS!" The exuberant host exaggerated the syllables in 'underground classrooms', punching the air even more. "The same applies if you break any other rules!"

"Yeah, yeah, don't break the rules, what about if our family wins?" Bart interrupted.

"Then you get to pick from two different sets of prizes! You can either go with the thousand dollar cash prize and the GIGANTIC bottle of Pepto Bismol! OR, you can move onto the final round, 'EL DIABLO'! If you win that one, you get the ultimate twenty-thousand dollar cash prize AND this week's specialty prize, a giant mansion! BUILT RIGHT ON YOUR CURRENT RESIDENCE!"

"Wait…" Lisa thought for a minute. "'El Diablo'? What?"

"Well, I say enough with the rules!" Peter thrust his fist in the air. "Let's get eating!"  
"Yeah!" Homer did the same. "I can eat anything! I can eat the wheel itself!"

"WAIT!" Chuck Norris did a jumping roundhouse kick. "I think the number of family members you have is uneven! You have two mothers, two fathers, and six kids between both families, but Griffins, you have an extra! I'm sorry, but you'll have to lose your dog."

"Uh, can we talk about this?" Brian responded, raising his paw. Immediately after, Chuck pushed a button he had on a special remote. Meg Griffin went hurtling down into the underground classrooms.

"Hey, that's mean! YOU GUYS SUUUUuuuck…"

"Oh, never mind." Brian waved his thought away as his tail gave a slight wag.

"May we have the two fathers come to the Table of Eatery?" Chuck said loudly. He was pointing to the long, shiny, silver table right in front of the Wheel of Foodstuffs. The rim of it was lined with rainbow lights.

"Yeah!" Both fathers shouted in unison. They jumped forth, screaming vicious battlecries. When they got to the table, they ripped off their shirts. After this, however, they stopped and were silent.

Peter looked at Homer. "Yeah, I really did that for no reason…" He looked at the ripped remains of his shirt.

Chuck Norris spun the wheel for them. Colorful lights lit up all around it as it spun rapidly. After a few more spins, it finally landed on 'five gallons of Twinkie filling' for each contestant.

"Pssh! No sweat!" Homer crossed his arms.

"Yeah, this'll be easy!" Peter rubbed his hands together.

"Oh oh, I hope you two realize how much eight gallons of Twinkie fillings is!" Chuck smiled and shook his head.

"Wait… you said five." Peter pointed at him accusingly.

"But there are two of you, and eight is an even number!"

"If there were five for each of them, you didn't have to make it an even number!" Lisa called from her family's side of the stage.

"Mmm… uneven filling…" Homer said.

"BUT I LIKE EVEN NUMBERS! AND FIVE IS SO ODD!"

Avatarjk137 the Cameraman sighed. His name tag was spontaneously upside down. "I knew we should have gone with Ben Stein for the host…"

Sixteen gallons of a white, cream-like substance randomly dropped from the ceiling. "Let's get started!" Chuck handed each of the fathers their eight gallons. "One… two… three… _GO_!" Chuck Norris threw his microphone down on the floor.

The obese fathers opened up their containers quickly. They began shoveling the substance down their throats with the likeness of starved wolves.

"Oh my lord, look at the fat men go!" Stewie Griffin commented, pulling his bottle of his mouth. Maggie, the Simpsons baby, began sucking on her pacifier harder.

The camera zoomed in on the babies as their fathers ate the 'food'. Maggie made the peace sign. Stewie threw the bottle at the camera. "Get away, you vile machine! I haven't had my makeup yet!"

The men were already on their last gallon. They had matched each other mouthful to mouthful. When at last they scraped the last of the radioactive, sugar-laced filling and shoved it down their throats, they had still been perfectly matched time-wise.

"OH MY GOD IT'S A TIE!" Chuck shouted loudly. "That means it's time to flip the Coin To End All Coins! It declares whether neither of you goes to the underground classroom, OR IF YOU BOTH DO!"

"But those rules don't even make sense!" Lisa put forth.

"They make more sense than anything else on, 'I WOULDN'T EAT THAT IF I WERE YOU'!" Norris gave her the thumbs-up.

"What sort of mad show have we stumbled on to?!" Lisa fretted.

"Uh… this one! Duh!" Chuck turned away from Lisa and back to the dads.

"Don't insult the show with the insanely massive grand prize, Lisa!" Homer called out.

Chuck flipped the coin in the air with all the drama of eight teenage girls having their Sweet Sixteen parties. The coin seemed to go in slow-mo as it fell and landed on tails. "Oop, I'm sorry! You're _both_ sent to the underground classrooms!"

"D'oh!" Homer shouted. Bart laughed.

"Ha ha, you got sent to the underground classrooms!" Peter pointed at Homer and laughed as the floor opened up from underneath the two and they were swallowed by the same fiery pit that ate Meg.

"Next up, THE BROOOOOOTHHHHEEEEERRRRS!" Chuck spun his fingers and pointed to Chris and Bart. Bart jumped eagerly in front of the crowd. Chris stumbled on, not quite knowing exactly what was going on.

"I will spin it for you boys!" Chuck spun the wheel again. Chris watched the lights move, entertained. It landed on 'pile of rocks'.

"Hmm… okay… I can still win this!" Bart looked determined.

"I eat rocks all the time!" Chris laughed.

The ceiling dropped two platefuls of small gray rocks onto either side of the Table of Eatery. Both boys went to their side.

"And ONE! TWO! THREE! _SHOWTIME_!" The eager host jumped into the air.

Upon this signal, Chris began eating his stones. The crowd was distressed for the competitors.

"Okay!" The host looked from son to son. "Come on! You're a third of the way there, Chris! Don't give up! EYE OF THE TIGER!"

"Ay caramba!" Bart clearly did not wish to eat any stones that day. He was slightly smarter than Chris and knew of the damage he might cause his stomach (it would be even worse than the time he consumed pop rocks and Coca-Cola at the same time).

Chris had reached the halfway point. "Not wanting to lose, Bart managed to push down one rock.

"YOU'RE ALMOST THERE, BOY!" Norris shouted at Chris.

Chris had consumed his last pebble. He was about to do a victory dance, but he collapsed and went into seizures.

"Uh-oh, looks like that was one stone too many!" Chuck shook his head. "BART WINS!"

"But he only ate one rock!" Brian called out from where the Griffins were standing.

Chuck shrugged. "I never said you had to eat _all _of them,"

"WHAT?!" Lois Griffin shouted. "You're just making up the rules as you go!" In her excitement, Lois almost dropped Stewie.

"Agh! Calm yourself, woman!" Stewie yelled at her.

"I thought you already realized that," Chuck looked surprised.

Lisa began banging her head on the wall.

Chuck Norris ignored Lisa and moved on. "Will both families' mothers please come up on stage?" Marge Simpson and Lois obliged, handing their babies to the family members remaining on stage.

"Okey dokey! Time for spinning!" Chuck roundhouse kicked the Wheel of Foodstuffs to get it spinning. After a high amount of rotations, it landed on Smoothie of No Return.

"Hey, what's with all the fancy titles for stuff?" Bart asked.

"It sounds good!" Chuck shouted to Bart.

"What happens in the Smoothie of No Return?" Marge looked slightly worried.

"THIS!" As if it were a cue, Avatarjk137 the Cameraman pushed a small, bright blue button. The floor in front of the mothers opened up and pushed up a platform. On top of it was a gold chest, decorated with diamonds and all sorts of colorful gemstones.

"Oh, how pleasant-looking!" Marge's troubles melted away upon the appearance of the regal, innocent-looking chest.

"Hm… maybe it's some sort of gourmet food!" Lois suggested.

"WRONG!" Chuck high-kicked open the chest. Inside was a disgusting, putrid array of whatever you would think of to be the most hideous pieces of trash you can find.

"Now ladies, you both reach in and pick three different items to go into your doom smoothie!" Chuck put two blenders on top of the Table of Eatery. "Mrs. Griffin, you're up first!"

Lois grimaced as she stuck her hand deep in the rancid pile and pulled out a dead fish, a moldy piece of paper, and a paper McDonalds bag, with a sticker labeled "trash from the refrigerator".

Marge came next. She reached as least deep as possible into the pile. Her picks included a dead garter snake, squid tentacles with barnacles all over them, and brussel sprouts. At the last pick, the crowd gasped and one woman fainted.

Each blender crushed it's given ingredients, along with a cup of ice and a small packet of chocolate-peanut butter flavored protein pack.

The mothers bravely forced themselves to gulp down their 'smoothies'. They were thinking of showing their children that you can do anything if you're just determined and work hard to achieve it, and they were also thinking of avenging their banished husbands, but more importantly, the mothers were thinking of the huge cash prize.

Chuck looked at Lois, who was panting after finishing her 'drink'. He turned to Marge, who had just gulped down the last bit.

"Well, ladies, it looks like you both finish! You know what that means?"

"The Coin To End All Coins?" Lois asked.

"No! Get off the stage! More contestants have to go!" Chuck shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Really, don't hog the stage."

The mothers were surprised, but nonetheless relieved that their host let them go. The walked over to their families as Lisa Simpson walked onto the stage and Brian walked away from the Griffins.

"I'm facing a dog?" Lisa was puzzled.

"I'm more intelligent than most of my family," Brian replied.

"Since one of you is just a weak little girl, and the other doesn't have opposable thumbs, I will spin the wheel for you!" Chuck put his hand on the wheel.

"Actually, for some reason I do have thumbs, but you're the host," Brian responded.

"Hey! I'm not weak! Don't make stereotypes!" Lisa said. "But you know what? That isn't the only thing grossly wrong this show! Don't you people realize what you're doing?" Lisa turned to the audience.

"Oh crap, here she goes…" Bart rubbed his forehead.

"You're feeding off of other people's humiliation and pain for your entertainment! Underground classrooms? Possibly toxic substances served for consumption? Does this seem okay to you? Think about it!"

Chuck stood silent with his hand still on the wheel.

"Can we just get the match over with and you do this… thing later?" Brian asked Lisa.

Lisa walked over to Avatarjk137. "You! Cameraman!"

"Actually, I'm also the director, but I'm the only person who knew how to work a camera, so-"

"Do you really think this is alright? To make this into a game show?"

Lisa seemed touched when Avatarjk137 paused, seemingly thinking about all that was wrong here. He was actually thinking, "_Did I leave the oven on?"_

"LISA! Stop! The cassshh!" Bart called out.

"But-" Lisa began. She stopped when the audience began cheering again. "Oh, why do I bother?" She walked over to the wheel, deflated.

Chuck's energetic smile was back on his face as he spun the wheel. It landed on 'New Wheel'.

"I LOVE THIS PART!" Chuck took out his special remote and punched a green button at the bottom. A new wheel came to replace the old wheel, but instead of it coming from the ceiling and crushing the wheel, it came from under the floor and bumped the old wheel away.

"Oh, a new wheel fresh from the underground classrooms!"

"The underground classrooms?" Lisa looked at the wheel hesitantly. Half the cards read 'Bleach'. It was painted black with red lettering and had orange lights.

"Whee!" Chuck spun the wheel. The orange lights went up hypnotically.

Brian leaned forwards to read it. "Hellish shrimp puffs?"

"Yup!" Chuck pointed to the floor, which gave forth another platform, carrying orange shrimp puffs.

"But dogs eat anything!" Lisa tried to argue her case. She was simply ignored.

"Yeah, plus I'm totally plastered," Brian added.

"One two three GO!" Chuck drop-kicked the old wheel, sending it spiraling offstage. Screams were heard from the crowd.

Brian shoved a shrimp puff from his plate into his mouth. "Oh my god, these do taste like hell reincarnated into shrimp puffs!" But Brian's dog nature forced him to shovel in another, then another.

"If you think I'm touching these…" Lisa kept her hands to her sides.

Brian was on his last shrimp puff. Chuck turned to Lisa. "Little girl, if you don't; at least try it, you'll be sent to the underground classrooms."

Lisa broke off a little bit off hers and put it in her mouth. She made a face as Brian devoured his last. "Uh, I'm done."

"Okay then! Lisa, you lose, go back to your family! A POINT FOR THE GRIFFINS!"

Lisa turned back to Chuck Norris. "You never said anything about working on a point system!"

"Oh. Well then, you still lost. Go away!"

Lisa trudged back to the Simpson's side of the stage, but just before she reached her old spot, the floor opened up below her and sent her to the Underground Classrooms.

Before Marge, Bart, or Maggie could respond in any way, Chuck cried out, "NOW FOR THE BABIES!!!" Moving sidewalks popped up from under them spontaneously and dragged them to center stage, then disappeared again.

"You!" Stewie said. Maggie looked at him. "Yes, you. The cretin with the pacifier. You're going down, pacifist!" Maggie continued sucking her pacifier, but made the 'I'm watching you' gesture. "Hmmm, perhaps this little yellow wench is smarter than she appears."

"Alright, you adorable little psychos! I'm gonna spin the WHEEL!" Chuck ran up the nearest wall, leapt off, and spun the wheel with a spinning kick on the way down. The wheel finally dragged to a stop on 'Orange Juice'.

"Wow, that was lucky for them," Brian observed. An extra card popped out of that card on the wheel reading 'Fermented', so now the card fully read 'Fermented Orange Juice'. "Oh, well, they still got off pretty easily."

"Nobody told us the titles would randomly lengthen!" Stewie yelled as cartons of Orange Juice that read 'best by December 2004' appeared in front of them. "Oh, well, at least it's better than the time Peter was on 'Jeopardy'. (Insert Random Family Guy Flashback Here)

"READY SET… what comes after set? Is it 'READY'? Oh, yeahhh, GO!" Chuck jumped in the air and did a double backflip.

Maggie reached for her juice carton, but it disappeared in a flash. She turned to find Stewie holding a smoking, laser-type gun. "HA! Fool! You can't drink your juice if I _vaporized_ it!" Stewie inserted the straw into his and slowly, dramatically, raised it to his mouth. Maggie's eyes narrowed, and she sucker-punched Stewie in the back of the head. As Stewie lay on the ground moaning, she took out her pacifier, stuck it behind her ear, and drank the juice in three sips.

"The winner is MAAAGGGIEE!" Chuck shouted. He slammed a button, and the hole to the Underground Classrooms opened beneath Stewie again.

"What? NO!" As Stewie began to fall, he pulled a grappling hook gun from his clothes, and shot it straight up. It caught on the ceiling, and Stewie swung up and out of the pit. He then swung around and kicked the surprised Maggie into the pit.

"Oh, okay then, the winner is LEMON HEAD… I MEAN STEWIE!" Chuck clapped.

"Wow, that was interesting," Brian said. The entire time, Lois and Marge had been experiencing double vision and loss of feeling in the extremities from their 'smoothies', and hadn't seen anything happen at all.

"I hereby declare that the winners are THE GRIFFINS!" Chuck shouted. After that, he went into his pocket and pulled out the special remote. He pressed an orange button, and holes in the floor opened up and spat out Chris, Peter, and Meg. It overshot Meg however, and she went flying into the ceiling with her head stuck.

Peter stared at the hanging Meg. "What a familiar-looking chandelier…"

The remaining Simpsons went plummeting into the underground classrooms. Bart quickly took out his sling shot and tried to shoot Chuck Norris in the balls before falling too far, but Chuck blocked himself with a cowboy hat at the last minute. "Oops, missed by about two inches kid!" Chuck turned to the Griffins. "Now, are you guys going to go to the El Diablo round to try for the grand prize, or are you going to take the giant Pepto Bismol and smaller cash prize and run?" Chuck jumped forward, anxiously waiting their response.

"Well, let's see how our team is doing…" Brian answered for his team. "Lois has double vision and loss of feeling in her limbs from the smoothie, Peter has radiation poisoning from all the Twinkie filling, Chris is unconscious, Meg is in the ceiling, and Stewie and I don't want to face whatever horror you have in store for us alone. Plus I just want to get a drink and go home, so I'd say we're going to take the stomach medicine and high-tail it out of here."

"GOOD DOG!" Chuck shouted. "We have a service crew ready to lift the bottle on top of your car, so here's your cash…" Chuck handed Brian a check. "And now you can leave!"

"Our pleasure, believe me, you… strange man," Stewie mumbled as he and the injured Griffins followed Brian out of the studio.

"So ends our first episode!" Chuck turned to the camera. "Come back next time, folks when we have our new set of competitors: the gang from the wildly popular ninja-themed anime, 'Naruto', and the gang from the big hit pirate-themed anime, 'One Piece'! They'll duke it out and finally help settle the all-important debate of the century; "Pirates vs. Ninjas!" Chuck gave one last roundhouse kick for effect. "But I won't be here next time! Your new celebrity guest host, or should I say _hosts_, will be the rock band Fall Out Boy! Now, good night and good fight!"

"THAT'S NOT YOUR LINE!" Avatarjk137 the Cameraman/Director shouted at Chuck.

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**I know, it was long, but it was the first one. I think that the only episode that won't be two chapters long will be the American Dragon: Jake Long/ Danny Phantom episode (which _isn't_ the next episode, people).**

**Avatarjk137 is my co-writer, actually. This Avatar is not much like the real one... the real Avatarjk137 would be laughing, not trying (futilely) to sort out the nonsense.**

**Pepto Bismol brought you this chapter.**


	2. Naruto VS One Piece!

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the cartoons within. Or Fall Out Boy. They own themselves (a little bit, maybe). Also, I don't own the concept of 'Underground Classrooms'.**

**And here is the second installment of "I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You!" As said last chapter, it's One Piece versus Naruto! This episode might have even more twists, turns, and made-up-as-they-go rules than the first one. As also said in the last chapter, this week's hosts are the punk/emo/whatever-you-wish band, Fall Out Boy (I know a fair amount of you probably don't like them and/or their music at all. If so, you can read the chapter and pretend the hosts have different names, or ignore the hosts' lines, or something, but I really don't want to hear about it if you dislike Fall Out Boy.)**

**IMPORTANT NOTE: This chapter also marks the first episode where they will be split into two chapters each. The first episode was only one chapter, because it was the premiere and had to be special. But these are getting long, so they'll be split now.

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The same deep narrator voice as last episode filled the studio. "Welcome to the second episode of 'I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You'!" The crowd interrupted with their applause. "This week features the ninja anime 'Naruto' vs. the pirate anime 'One Piece'! And now, welcome your hosts, Pete Wentz, Patrick Stump, Joe Trohman, and Andrew Hurley of Fall Out Boy!" The lights lining the top of the auditorium shone on the four rockers as their instruments dropped from the ceiling.

"Hey! You got our instruments wrong!" Pete called to the ceiling.

"Entire drum set… on toe…" Patrick squeaked.

"Screw the instruments!" Joe shouted. He pointed to one side of the stage. "In this corner, we have the main characters of One Piece! The Straw Hat Pirates, which include Monkey D. Luffy, the captain! Roronoa Zolo, the swordsman! Nami, the navigator girl! Usopp, the ugly one! And Sanji, the cook!"

"Hey! I'm not ugly!" Usopp shouted. "Insult me again and I'll send my crew of one thousand men after you!"

"Hee hee… you're ugly _and_ a liar!" Andrew laughed. "And anyway, in the other corner, we have the main ninjas of Naruto! Naruto, the title character! Sakura, the lone female ninja today! Sasuke, the intense one! Kakashi, the cool teacher! And Rock Lee, the guy who they picked to bring on because they needed five people to match the pirates!"

"Power of youth!" Rock Lee shot his fist into the air.

"We're so going to win this thing!" Naruto shouted to the Straw Hat Pirates. "BELIEVE IT!"

Pete used one hand to shove Naruto back. "SO, how about you guys tell us why you're here?"

"This might strengthen me up and help me become the next Hokage of my village!" Naruto answered loudly.

"The next oh-what-ay?"

"He said Hokage." Kakashi answered calmly. "And also, who doesn't want a little extra money in their pockets?"

"AMEN!" Nami called out from across the stage. "That's why we're here! The money!"

"It might help strengthen ME up to become the KING OF THE PIRATES!" Luffy yelled.

"How about you just explain the rules already?" Zolo asked the hosts.

"Let me refer to the rule book!" Pete took out the rule book from thin air. "Okay, this episode, both shows will take turns sending contestants up to spin the Wheel of Foodstuffs. Then you have to eat what you spin, obviously! If you puke, faint, or just avoid your selected food like the plague, you get sent to the underground classrooms! The same happens if you break any other rule!" Upon this last note, Joe played a random guitar riff. "BUT!" Pete continued. "If you make it to the end, you get to choose between the first prize, the giant bottle of Pepto Bismol and the small, thousand dollar cash prize! Or, you can move on to the final round, El Diablo! If you win it, you get the grand prize: a twenty-thousand dollar cash prize and a year's supply of Hot Pockets of your choice!"

"Hmph," Sasuke said. "We'll win without a problem," He had an intense scowl on his face.

Sakura swooned. "Oh, Sasuke-kun! You're so confident!"

"UH-OH, I spot a rule breaker!" Patrick sang into the microphone.

"Huh?" Luffy looked around. "Where?" He looked under his sandal and under his straw hat.

"RIGHT HERE!" Joe pointed to Sasuke.

Sasuke said nothing, and barely looked mildly worried.

Pete opened the rule book. "It says right here, uh, Smoochina Sausage, was it? Right, well Sausage, here it is: _Thou shall not be emo._"

"That rule book… is an upside-down copy of _Green Eggs and Ham_ with 'Our Specials For Today' written on the cover," Kakashi observed.

"Huh?" was all Sasuke had time to blurt out before the floor opened up underneath him, and he began to fall to the Underground Classrooms.

"SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura shrieked in worry.

Sasuke did not panic. He sent an extra amount of chakra energy to his fingertips and toes, allowing him to grab onto the sides of the walls and hang there, giving him an extra minute of time to figure out how to get back up.

Sakura smiled. "_Sasuke rocks! There is no way he'll lose this!_" Sakura thought in admiration of Sasuke.

Sasuke smiled. "_I rock! There is no way I'll lose this!_" Sasuke thought in admiration of himself.

Pete got frustrated and took out a special remote similar to the one Chuck Norris had used in the previous episode. He pushed a small, ovular red button near the blue one for opening up the underground classroom. The hole Sasuke had fallen in widened, and he went plummeting down.

Sakura gasped and stood in disbelief. "Sas…uke…kun…"

"**YOU** **four** got rid of Sasuke for _being emo_?" Kakashi said. "Oh, the irony…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Pete asked.

"Nothing…"

"Oh, cool buttons!" Andrew looked at the remote. "What's this one do? Spin the wheel?" He eagerly pushed a square, grey one.

The stairs where people walked up to their seats suddenly turned to ramps. A young man walking with his arms full of sodas and popcorn slipped and fell down the ramps.

"Oops…"

"Um… well… let's get the first contestants!" Pete shouted. "Let's get Naruto on stage!"

"WOO YEAH!" Naruto jumped over. "I'M SO READY FOR THIS!" Without being told, Naruto spun the Wheel of Foodstuffs. After spinning many times, it finally landed on 'canned boiled peanuts'.

"Huh?" Naruto said in response.

"From the looks of the rest of the board, Naruto, I'd say you got let off easy," Kakashi commented.

Pete plunked down an open can of boiled peanuts in front of Naruto. "In all their briny goodness!"

"Ah… okay!" Naruto plugged his nose and downed the entire can of peanuts in a few gulps. "Ugh… they were all soft…"

"Next up!" Andrew shoved Naruto away.

"ME ME ME ME!" Luffy came over to the Wheel of Foodstuffs. He flexed his muscles and spun the wheel with all his might. After even more spins than Naruto, it finally landed 'Death by Chocolate'.

"Oh, that's no fair!" Sakura whined. "That's really being let off easy."

"No, it's right there," Usopp said, "between 'Strangulation by Caramel' and 'Brain Damage by Marshmallow'."

"BRING IN THE DEMON!" Patrick shouted.

A giant wagon of chocolate pudding was wheeled in and stopped in front of Luffy. He looked overjoyed, too stupid to be put off by Patrick's comment. Joe handed Luffy an unusually small plastic spoon.

Just when Luffy was about to dig in, the pudding wiggled. Luffy flinched, but reached towards it after that anyway. The second his spoon touched the dessert, a ten foot monster came slowly and dramatically rising out of the pudding and roared loudly, standing over Luffy. It was made of solid dark chocolate, with cocoa blades for hands.

"A chocolate demon?" Luffy asked, his eyes full of wonder.

"Fresh from an Aztec temple," Avatarjk137 responded.

The demon roared and slashed at Luffy. Luffy jumped back, but the blade still managed to cut his shirt a bit. "Gum Gum Gatling Gun!" Luffy screamed, pounding the demon with dozens of long-range, devastatingly fast and hard punches. The chocolate abomination simply began walking towards him. It suddenly vanished and reappeared behind Luffy, and made another wide slash as it roared. Luffy jumped clear, but fell into the vat of chocolate pudding. The chocolate demon leaped and landed in front of the vat, preparing to stab into it until the rubber pirate was dead. Suddenly a sandaled foot shot from the pudding and caught the demon square in the chin, cracking its face and launching it upwards. The monster hit the ceiling and stuck with a gooey noise. Luffy, covered in pudding, erupted from the wagon and shot straight up, becoming level with the monster's chest. "Gum Gum… DOUBLE BARREL!" Luffy reached both arms back impossibly far, and slammed them together into the demon's chest. The delicious abomination shattered with a pained roar, spraying the crowd with dark chocolate breakup.

"Way to go, Luffy!" Pete shouted. "Now just eat the pudding and you win."

"Where can I get a recipe for chocolate demons?" Sanji asked.

Luffy stretched his mouth as wide as he could and consumed all the chocolate pudding in one bite.

"So you have stretching, rubber powers, eh?" Joe said to Luffy. "Meh. I've seen weirder. NEXT!"  
Kakashi walked onto the stage nonchalantly, leaving his precious book, the romance/porn novel Icha Icha Paradise, in care of Sakura.

"This should be interesting," Kakashi murmured after spinning the wheel. It landed on 'pigeon feathers'.

"Feathers, eh? Hmm… how best to do this…"

"All right! Kakashi-sensei is finally going to have to take off his face mask so we can see what's underneath!" Sakura said to Naruto.

"Oh yes! I've been waiting so long for this!" Naruto rubbed his hands together.

Kakashi realized that his eating would make people see what was underneath. So he opted for a quick distraction. "Look! A giant ham-demon!"

Everyone gasped and turned to where Kakashi pointed.

"Let's put it on the wheel!" Avatarjk137 accidentally turned the camera away from Kakashi in his excitement.

"Hey, there's no ham-demon!" Joe shouted. He turned back to Kakashi. "You tricked me by using my worst nightmares against me!"

"All done," Kakashi simply responded. He was straightening out his face mask. The feathers were nowhere to be seen.

"Okay then… NEXT!"

"I'll go," Zolo volunteered for his team.

"WAIT!" Pete put his hand in front of Zolo. "It suddenly occurs to me that since Sasuke was eliminated, you guys have an extra member! Think briefly about what you want to do!" The Straw Hat Pirates went into a huddle.

After about a minute, Pete spoke again. "IT'S THE MOMENT OF TRUTH! You guys have to decide what you want to do! So what do you want?"

"New hosts?" Nami suggested.

Silence filled the studio.

"Well…" Pete looked speechless. "You can't have that… CHOOSE SOMETHING ELSE!"

"No can do!" Usopp shouted. "We've decided that we're a team! We stick together! If you eliminate one of us, you may as well take us all down! Therefore, we're remaining together no matter what you-"

"Bye Usopp!" Nami smiled and waved.

"Goodbye, Usopp!" Luffy, Zolo, and Sanji did the same.

"WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN GOODBYE?!" The floor opened up under Usopp and he went falling into the underground classrooms.

"Now that that's over with…" Zolo walked over to the Wheel of Foodstuffs, bored.

"Now spin with all your glory!" Andrew commanded.

Zolo spun it with about half of his strength, which still made it give a large amount of full rotations.

"Oh, Zolo, you landed on 'glass'! What a pity!" Andrew handed Zolo a plate with different size chunks of glass pieces.

"Oh man…" Zolo took the plate and made a face as he began forcing down hunks of glass. Awkward crunching noises were heard.

After finishing his plateful, Zolo grimaced. "I think somewhere along the line, it went down the wrong way. Oh well, I've had worse internal bleeding." He coughed up several pints of blood to prove his point.

"Oops, looks like we're almost out of time! We'll be right back AFTER THESE MESSAGES!" Pete picked up his bass guitar and slammed it on the ground.

* * *

**No, he's totally right. This episode will return soon.**

**Brought to you by: (-music-) Hot Pockets!**


	3. Naruto VS One Piece Part Deux!

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the cartoons within. Always play with their minds.**

**Okay! Here's the second part of this episode! Once again, sorry for my having to split the chapters. I know a pretty good amount of you prefer longer chapters, but chapters that are _too_ long might turn some readers off.****

* * *

**

"AND WE'RE BACK!" Pete spread his arms out dramatically. "The show that is currently crushing 'Grey's Anatomy', 'The O.C.', 'CSI: Miami', '24', 'One Tree Hill', 'Gilmore Girls', and 'Full House' in the ratings for the Friday seven p.m. slot!"

"What?" Nami was perplexed. "That's impossible! **None **of those shows are on at the Friday seven p.m. slot! One of them isn't even on anymore! _WE'RE _not even on at the Friday at seven slot!"

"So what's your point?" Andrew asked her, not getting it.

Nami clunked her head on the wall. "These guys are making this a hell…"

"Haruno Sakura of 'Naruto', you're up!" Andrew ignored Nami's dismay.

Sakura strode confidently to the Wheel of Foodstuffs and Table of Eatery, not showing her secret fear. "Okay, here's to hoping I don't get 'pieces of D-lister star'." She spun it, then clasped her hands behind her back.

"Oh! Lucky you! You got 'big piece of apple pie'!" Joe read out the card on the wheel.

"I did? Yay!" Sakura jumped up in the air.

"Well, here you go." Pete handed her the pie, scowling. "There's something wrong with this stupid wheel. Worst thing it gave us was a hunk of glass."

Sakura ate her pie without a problem. "Hmm… not the best pie I've tasted, but still really good!"

"Aww… she got totally let off easy…" Naruto and Luffy murmured in unison.

Sanji stared at her. "That girl will be really hot when she's eighteen!" He called out to the busy Sakura. "Hey, cutie! Call me in five years and I'll make you a real apple pie!"

Sakura turned to him angrily. "I'm underage, you creep! Stop flirting with me!" she shouted with her mouth still full. She put her shuriken on the Table of Eatery threateningly and continued her pie.

"He flirted with my precious cherry blossom Sakura!" Rock Lee clenched his fist in anger.

"Yeah, the jerk!" Naruto crossed his arms. "But it's not like she'll ever go for you, Lee!"

Before Lee could respond, one of the hosts interrupted. "Oops, it appears there's more to that pie than meets the eye!" Patrick reached up to the wheel.

"Huh?" Sakura put the last forkful in her mouth.

Patrick ripped off a piece of paper covering part of the section of the wheel Sakura had landed on. It now read, 'big piece of apple pie with Naruto's hair in it'.

Sakura froze in horror and disgust with the last bite still in her mouth.

Naruto was even more surprised. "HEY, WHAT?!" He reached around and felt the back of his head. "Hey yeah, there's a huge chunk of hair gone!"

Sakura gasped. She coughed out the last mouthful and then started writhing on the ground, shrieking 'Ew! EW! Ew ew ew ew ewewewew ewwwie EWWWW!"

"SAKURAAAA!" Lee shouted in dismay for his crush.

"Sakura, you pass, but you have to get up. It's the Straw Hat Pirates' turn." Pete attempted to communicate with convulsing Sakura. "Hey, Sakura, you have to… hello? Girl? Ugh, can we get a really huge spatula over here?"

Avatarjk137 told Pete "We don't have any. We do have a really huge melon baller in the back, though."

"It's okay, I've got her." Kakashi walked over to Sakura and dragged her by the legs back to their side of the stage.

Nami took her spot at the wheel. "I guess I should get this over with…"

"Nami!" Sanji called out to her, smiling and waving. "I know you can do it, Nami! You're wonderful! And so brave!"

"Does he… do that to every girl he meets?" Patrick asked her.

"Pretty much," Nami spun the wheel, ignoring Sanji's babbling at her 'beautiful technique of spinning wheels'.

"Nami, you get a special one! _Spontaneous Game Show Switch_!"

"Oh no!" Nami rubbed her head. "This thing just keeps getting more nightmarish!"

The lining around the ceiling lit up in a pattern, reading "Game Show Switch: Celebrity Deathmatch".

"Alright!" Avatarjk137 called out into a microphone that was for some reason attached to his camera. "Tonight we have Pete Wentz vs. Patrick Stump in a battle of who's really the leader of Fall Out Boy! Ready? Deathmatch!" Patrick headbutted Pete, who tackled him right back. Andrew and Joe began catcalling and whistling.

"Patrick's so gonna trounce that loudmouth," Naruto said confidently.

"What are you talking about?" Luffy asked. "Pete's going to whoop his ass."

"Those sound like fighting words to me, Stretch!"

"Fine! I'll beat you senseless! You're just angry 'cause Pete pushed you! Gum Gum Pistol!" Luffy attacked Naruto, who disappeared in a puff of smoke and reappeared above Luffy, holding kunai knives. Naruto hit Luffy hard, and the two began rolling around on the floor, struggling with the kunai knives.

"Idiots," Kakashi said, still not looking up from his book. He coughed, and a feather popped out from the top of his mask. Zolo almost fell over, but caught himself on his swords.

"YAAAUUGH!" Patrick slammed Pete with a guitar, then jumped on top of the bassist, punching him savagely. Pete roared and grew vampire fangs. He pushed Patrick away and got up. His hand shot out and wrapped around the guitarist's neck, lifting him into the air…

A loud, annoying buzz filled the air. "And… back to I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You!" Pete exclaimed, dropping Patrick as his fangs retracted. "Nami, you're still conscious and haven't vomited, so you pass! Everybody's passing around here, they're really good!" Nami walked weakly offstage, still not sure what had happened.

Naruto rolled away from Luffy and back to his team's side. Sakura was still lying limp on the floor. "You're up, Lee!"

Lee jumped over to the designated wheel-spinning spot, letting out a battle cry. "YES! Powered by the energy of all my youth, I WILL WIN!"

"Yeah, yeah, power of youth, big DEAL! Spin it!" Pete was still touchy from his fight.

"Huzzah!" Lee grabbed the wheel. "FOR SAKURA-CHAN!" He spun it with all his might and struck a dramatic pose. After the highest amount of spins on the show yet, it finally landed on 'broccoli'.

"Okay! I can do this!"

Pete reached up and began taking off more paper.

"Oh no! What are you going to reveal?!" Lee fretted.

"See, Lee? It actually says, 'cold, rancid broccoli that's been between my toes for a week'!"

Lee's confident smile faded. "Oh no! But I don't want to eat _anything _that's been that intimate with the host for a week!"

"Remember Lee, we're not 'host', we're _hosts._" Pete smiled malevolently.

After a moment of realization, Lee made a disgusted, terrified face. "Oh my lord!"

Luffy laughed. "Ha ha, he's gonna puke!"

"I WILL NOT!" Lee grabbed the broccoli and shoved into his mouth and swallowed in one bite, trying not to chew or dwell on the taste. A tear went down his face. "I HAVE WON! I AM VICTORIOUS!" Lee ran back over to the safety of his team.

"I guess it's my turn," Sanji put his hands in the pockets of black trousers, which matched his suit jacket. He spun the wheel like everyone before him, and it landed on 'the shirt off your back'. Sanji sighed. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

"Yup. Take off your shirt, 'cause you have to eat it!" Joe said, smiling.

Sanji rolled his eyes and took off his jacket. Before taking off his shirt, though, he turned to his hosts. "You don't have any garlic, do you?"

"Nope, sorry."

"Damn," Sanji took a deep breath and began eating his blue dress shirt.

"GO SANJI!" Luffy shouted words of encouragement and threw his fist into the air. With the other hand, he propped up Zolo, who had fallen asleep, half because he passed out from internal bleeding, and half because Zolo just likes to sleep.

Sanji stuffed down the last little bit of sleeve. "Ugh… okay… done." He coughed a few times and a button eventually came out.

"Well, both teams have completely finished their foodstuffs without a problem!" Andrew smiled and said into his microphone. His smile faded. "Oh… wait… what happens now?"

"I have no idea…" Pete said. His face suddenly lit up. "Oh wait! I remember now! Both teams get to decide if they want to move on to the El Diablo round!"

"So…" Nami recalled their choices. "We can either take the smaller prize and run, or compete for the _huge _prize, but risk whatever consequence comes from losing this 'El Diablo'…"

"I SAY WE GO EL DIABLO!" Luffy shouted.

"Yeah!" Sanji said. "Eating my shirt wasn't nearly as hard as I thought! We can do El Diablo!"

Zolo snored.

"WHAT?! Well, if YOU'RE doing El Diablo, WE ARE, TOO!" Naruto shouted back.

"Okay, sure," Kakashi said.

"YES WE CAN!" Rock Lee said eagerly, similar to Bob the Builder.

Sakura was still lying on the ground.

"So, what's El Diablo, anyway?" Nami asked the hosts. It had finally dawned on her that they were rock stars, and rock stars typically were rich, so she was coming up to them and putting her arms around them while she said it.

"Welllll…" Pete gave in to her flirtations and put his arm around her shoulder as she stroked his back. "You have to go face, defeat, and devour THE DEVIL himself!"

"And how do we do that?" She inched closer to his face.

"SIMPLE! You go to the Underground Classrooms!" He pressed the blue button on the remote, and all the characters from both Naruto and One Piece fell in the pits that led to the underground classrooms.

"Interesting how they both chose to go down to do El Diablo," Patrick stated. "Because that means neither of them can accept any prize anyway, even if they do defeat the devil, or whatever's down there."

"Uh…" Andrew rubbed his head.

"That means…" Joe didn't know what to do.

"WE GET THE PRIZE!" Pete said after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah, sure." Avatarjk137. "Take the money and… play a song, we still have two minutes."

"I thought those instruments were just for show…" Joe said.

"Hey, that Nami girl took our wallets!" Andrew said.

* * *

**Well, twenty thousand dollars is probably more than they had in all their wallets in total.**

**Join us next time for Danny Phantom versus the American Dragon, hosted by the guys of Jackass!**

**This chapter brought to you by: (-music-) Hot Pockets!**


	4. American Dragon VS Danny Phantom!

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. Believe it.**

**This episode is American Dragon: Jake Long versus Danny Phantom! With your hosts, the guys of Jackass!**

**I know I said that the episodes would be split into two chapters, but these are only three people per team. So I just didn't think it would be worth it to make two chapters of minimal length.**

**Now I will shut up and let you read (stop cheering! Silence!)**

"Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is 'I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You'!" The host declared, clad in his usual sunglasses but also in a tuxedo. "Today, we bring to you the battle of American Dragon: Jake Long versus Danny Phantom in a battle of wits!"

"Wait, what? Wits?" The deep narrator voice from the first chapter commented. "What the hell are you talking about? And you're stealing my lines!"

Bam Margera, wearing the pants of a tuxedo but no shirt, tested the microphone by tapping it. "By Knoxville's standards, this _is_ a battle of wits."

"I'm going to say the rules!" Wee Man loudly declared, wearing his superman costume with a bow tie on it. "As usual, you have to eat whatever you spin on the wheel, and you can't pass out, blow chunks, or dance around the food completely, or YOU LOSE and are transferred to the Underground Classrooms! Same thing happens if you break any other rules!"

"I hear the bathrooms there leak venom," Ryan Dunn commented. He was wearing underwear and a tuxedo shirt but no pants.

"Anyways, the winning team gets a choice between sets of prizes. In Prize Set 1, you get a thousand dollars and a HUMONGOUS bottle of Pepto Bismol to soothe your now damaged stomach! Or you can go for Prize Set 2, which is made up of twenty thousand dollars, and a all expense paid trip to both Orlando and Hawaii!"

Jake Long stood on the left side of the silver-tiled, brightly illuminated stage with Trixie and Spud. "Hey, can you explain some of the other rules?"

"Basically, like the last sets of hosts, we make most of 'em up as we go!"

Danny, on the right side of the stage with Tucker and Sam, looked at his hosts. "Yeah… I was wondering what happened to the last hosts… why do you keep having new ones?"

Avatarjk137 looked emotionless as he tilted the camera towards Danny. "Don't think twice about it, kid. Chuck Norris and Fall Out Boy went away."

"To where?" Danny raised an eyebrow.

"They're going to get fixed."

"What does that mean?"

"_Nothing. Absolutely nothing_. Get started over here, we don't have all day!"

Johnny pointed to Danny. "How's about you go first, half-ghost boy!"  
"Uh… okay…" Danny reluctantly spun the wheel. It landed on 'a lead pipe'. "Is this safe?"

Johnny put his hand on his heart and looked surprised. "Good lord, NO! I wouldn't have hosted this if it was!"

"Well, down the hatch!" Danny quickly went into his ghost transformation. Lucky for him, the hosts either didn't notice or didn't care about the sudden uniform and hair and eye color change. Danny shoved into his mouth, but used his intangibility power to let it slip through his system and onto the floor. He put his foot in front of it as to fool Johnny. "Mmm! All gone!"

"HEY, I SAW THAT!" Wee Man pointed accusingly at the lead pipe. "You can't fool us! We already know all about that!"

"YEAH!" Bam agreed. "We already realize… that you must've taken steroids to make your digestive system go super-fast and that's why it already came out!"

"Uh… huh?" Danny was utterly puzzled.

"Oh, wait…" Johnny flipped through the rule book from the previous episode (it was an upside-down copy of "Green Eggs and Ham" that was scribbled all over, book and scribbles courtesy of Fall Out Boy). "This is a POOR excuse for a book of rules!" Johnny reached down the seat of his pants and pulled out a copy of "Teen Vogue" magazine with a paper reading "Roolz" stuck to the front. "Okay, here we go…" He read it from right to left. "What happens now… uh… nothing… it's just talking about how to make your smoky eyeshadow work just right for you for that all-important first date. Huh. Since there's nothing about steroids here, I guess you pass."

"Uh…" Danny was still puzzled. "Cool!" He smiled and went back to Sam and Tucker, who congratulated him.

"Woohoo, dude! I'm next!" Jake strolled over confidently. "Okay, all I got to do is spin it, and…." He spun it, and when it stopped, he leaned forward and read it. "Mine says 'Stunt: Ryan Dunn gets eaten by a dragon?' What does that mean, man?"

"Well, I'll explain it to you, but first you have to go dragon."

"Uh, okay. DRAGON UP!" Jake went into his bigger, red dragon form.

"You couldn't have thought of a better catchphrase for transforming?" Bam rolled his eyes.

"Hey, it's harder than it sounds! Just explain what I'm supposed to already!"

"Just stand still and know when to swallow!" Johnny yelled, then jumped out of the way.

"What?!" Before Jake could say anymore, Ryan was shot out of the cannon Bam had shoved him into and he went flying into Jake's mouth.

Naturally, Jake was very surprised, and let out muffled screams as he pointed to Ryan Dunn's legs, which were the only thing sticking out. Jake reached up and pulled Ryan out, then tossed him to the floor. "MAN, WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?! I COULD'VE EATEN YOU!"

"No crap!" Ryan brushed the spit off of himself. "I was halfway down, so technically, you threw up! You lose!"

Johnny responded by taking out the remote that was passed down by the other hosts. He pressed the bright blue button, and the floor right under Jake suddenly opened up, and Jake went hurtling down into the Underground Classrooms. Ryan almost fell in himself, but climbed out at the last second, which the other Jackasses found hilarious.

"Oh… woo… funny." Johnny caught his breath from laughing so much, and stood up straight. "All right, DP team is up next! How about we get the girl up here?"

"Oh, fine," Sam looked unhappy to be dragged into the whole game show scene. "I don't even really want to go to Orlando or Hawaii. Now a European trip? More my thing. But no…" the Goth girl griped as she spun the wheel.

"Sam, you rolled 'broken toy'. Interesting." Johnny commented.

"Uh… okay…" Sam looked unsure as the ceiling dropped a perfectly good-looking, colorful toy train from the ten foot high ceiling. It smashed, sending a couple of plastic pieces flying into the audience. It wasn't broken enough, so Johnny took it upon himself to bash it some more with a sledgehammer.

"Here you go," He handed it to some.

"Well, down the hatch," Sam closed her eyes tightly. She shoved the bits of smashed train into her mouth and swallowed. She made a face. "Ew… plastic breath."

"Good job, girl!" Johnny gave her a little shove towards the Danny Phantom side. "Now get off!" He turned around. "How about the lone female from the American Dragon now?"

"Oh yeah!" Trixie strode onto the stage. "Now, I just spin it, aaannd…" Trixie awaited her meal as the wheel spun. "Um… 'butter'?"

"Here you go! Three sticks!" Steve-O handed her butter.

Trixie opened the wrappers on the butter and looked at Steve-O. "How come it comes from the ceiling sometimes, but you guys give it to us the rest of the time?"

"Hmmm… I don't know. Why do you think _I_ know?" Steve-O made a face. "What do you expect of me?"

"You're a _host_, fool!"

"JUST EAT THE BUTTER!"

"Fine, fine!" Trixie snapped. She ate the butter while scowling at Steve-O.

When Trixie had finished her meal, she went back over to Jake and Spud, not seeming to have had a problem. Spud looked confused. "Uh… what happens now?"

"Your teammate didn't puke or faint, so… I guess she passes." Johnny responded. "Party Boy? Would you like to say what happens next?"

"Yes, I would!" Chris Pontius began dancing to a dance remix from his boom box and took off his shirt. He was going to take off his pants when Tucker yelled from the Danny Phantom side, "HEY! Isn't it my turn now?"

"Oh… that's right. You have to go." Chris replied but did not put his clothes back on.

Tucker walked over and spun the wheel. "This is interesting… I wonder what it will be… I hope it's meat!"

The wheel landed on one of the permanent markers, "Smoothie of No Return".

"It sounds… weird. What is it?"

"Well…" Johnny pressed a small button. ""Here's the magical chest you pick your ingredients out of." There was a beautiful, bejeweled gold chest. It was fit for a king.

"Oh yeah! Looking good!" Tucker flipped open the chest, only to be met with the stench of rancid, putrid garbage-like items and other horrors only imaginable by the deepest, darkest corners of your mind.

"Now you pick three items to accompany your ice and green tea-protein packet! AND YOU GOT A SMOOTHIE!"

"This is disgusting." Tucker reached gingerly into the chest of garbage and stuff that could be upgraded to garbage. He pulled out a fish skeleton, a full can of 'pork whiz', and a magazine with a picture of Ryan Seacrest on the cover. "Eww, Seacrest Out Monthly!" He gagged a bit, then stuffed the garbage into the blender with the ice and booster packet. Wee Man hit 'frappe', and it blended for several seconds.

"Here's your 'smoothie', kid!" Wee Man laughed evilly as he handed it over.

"Here goes nothing…" Tucker braced himself as he took the first gulp. But then he smiled. "Hey, this is pretty good! Has an aftertaste, but still pretty good!"

"Uh… yeah, ew." Danny commented.

Tucker happily gulped down the rest of his beverage, and even made sure to get every last drop. "I have to make that sometime…"

"I wish I got that…" Spud muttered.

"Well, you may get your wish! YOU'RE NEXT!" Johnny pointed to Spud. "Last, and quite possibly least!"

"Oh! Cool," Spud walked onto the stage, looking around dumbly to observe his surroundings. "Okay, now all I have to do is spin this thingamajig and…" Spud spun the wheel. "Oh. It says 'goat fur soup'. Okay."

From the ceiling, a platform with a bowl of strange-looking soup came onto the game show floor right next to Spud and The Wheel of Foodstuffs, on the Table of Eatery.

"See?! Now that thing came out of the ceiling!" Trixie called out.

"You want it to come from me?! Fine!" Johnny reached over, grabbed the soup of the table, wrote his name on the bottom of the bowl, and handed it back to Spud.

Spilling a splash of it, Spud lifted up the soup bowl. "'To Spud. Cordially yours, Johnny Knoxville'. Aw, thanks!"  
"Just eat the stew,"

Spud stuffed spoonfuls of goat fur saturated in chicken broth into his mouth. "Hey, this is better 'n what my mom makes!"

Like Tucker, he enthusiastically made an effort to get the last bit. Tucker smiled. "See, you guys? This show isn't bad!"

"Okay, let's add this up…" Ryan Dunn said. "Team Phantom still has all its players, but Team Dragon is missing its dragon! You know what that means, Team Dragon!"

"Uhh… we get the other prize as consolation?" Trixie asked hopefully.

"No, fool! Underground Classrooms!" Bam grabbed the remote from Johnny and punched the blue button. The floor opened up and Trixie and Spud went falling down.

"HEY! THIS IS SO COOOoooollll…" Spud called out as he fell into the pits.

"Now! Team Phantom! What are you going to choose?"

"Hmmm…" Danny thought. "We actually need the Pepto Bismol, and-"

"Hold on there!" Sam interrupted. "YOU two made me work for the grand prize. I ate a colorful toy train for the grand prize. WE ARE GOING TO TAKE THE GRAND PRIZE."

"Grand prize it is!"

"They don't have to complete a final round?" Preston Lacy asked.

"Huh? What final round?" Bam asked him.

Johnny handed them the check for the humongous cash prize and began to get out the tickets for their vacation trips, but Danny talked back to Sam.

"But it would be better for ourselves to take the medicine!" Danny said.

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN EAT ANYTHING!" Tucker and Sam shouted at Danny in unison.

Johnny's head pricked up. "I KNEW IT!"

"No, you didn't!" Chris said.

"Well, I can still send you away for cheating!" Johnny stroked the button on the remote maliciously. But he suddenly stopped. "We're running out of time. Take your prize and remember that you don't get anywhere in life for cheating!"

Before anything else could happen, Sam grabbed Danny and Tucker and dragged them off stage.

"Wait…" Avatarjk137 said to himself. "I don't think there's anything in the rules that says you can't cheat." He shrugged, and tapped his fingers absentmindedly on the camera. "I wonder if you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?"

**Next chapter will be X-Men Evolution versus Teen Titans. With your hosts, Flava Flav/ Stephen Colbert. Heh heh, it'll be weird. **

**This episode was sponsored by The Lord of the Rings! Destroying evil One Rings Of Power since 1965, Lord of the Rings!**


	5. Teen Titans VS X Men Evolution!

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons within. I blame global warming. Or Antonella Barba.**

**As promised, Teen Titans versus X-Men Evolution: Part One!

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**

"Hey, y'all!" The host cried out as he swaggered onstage. "Flavor Flllllaaaaaaavvv in da house!" Flavor Flav showed off his prodigious bling, including a golden clock around his neck, and a gold-plated Viking helmet.

"OH MAN," avatarjk137 the cameraman yelled as Flavor Flav did his 'thing', "This is horrible. Get him off."

"Yeaahh, Booyyy!" Flavor Flav announced. Suddenly, the floor underneath him opened up, sucking him into the Underground Classroom.

**"Attention, audience!" **A booming announcer voice shouted. **"Flavor Flav has been recalled as a host for being too one-note… and for… BEING A TERRORIST! Because we can't have terrorists running around onstage, we've decided to replace him with a good old-fashioned All-American host. Presenting… STEPHEN COLBERT!"**

As patriotic music played, a platform rose from the hole in the stage that had sucked in Flavor Flav, and Stephen Colbert stood on the platform, his arms crossed. "I'm going to feed you the truth… until you vomit or pass out! This… is I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You! Now, announcer voice, introduce our contestants! I don't know them, because I was called in at the last second!"

**"Be glad to! In the Blue Corner, the young heroes of Marvel Comics, protecting a world that hates and fears them, they have their own comic, TV show, and movie trilogy, the X-Men!"** The newly painted Blue Corner lit up, revealing Scott 'Cyclops' Summers, Jean Grey, Kitty 'Shadowcat' Pryde, Kurt 'Nightcrawler' Wagner, and Rogue. **"In the Magenta Corner,"**

"Magenta?" Scott asked with what was probably a raised eyebrow behind his visor.

**"SHUT UP! In the Magenta Corner, the young heroes of DC comics, they live in a giant tower shaped like a 'T', they also have their own comic series and TV show, the Teen Titans!" **The Magenta Corner lit up, revealing Robin, Cyborg, Starfire, Beast Boy, and Raven.

"We live in a giant tower shaped like a 'T'? That's all they could say about us?" Cyborg complained.

"Well, it does sort of stand out," Raven pointed out.

"Listen up, superheroes!" Stephen yelled. "I'm only going to explain the rules once, and some of them I won't explain at all! Every one of you has to come up and spin this giant Wheel of Foodstuffs! Whatever you spin, you must eat! If you vomit before finishing, pass out, or avoid your food like a politician avoids blame, you are sent to our Underground Classrooms, just like Mr. Flav! After every superhero has gone, whichever team has lost more members is eliminated entirely, and the other team gets to choose whether they'll take $1,000 dollars and a giant bottle of Pepto Bismol, or tackle the final round and go for a grand prize of: $20,000 and a Nintendo Wii with 4 controllers and every game that has or will be released for the Wii in its first year! Holy crap, I wish I was competing!"

"So who goes first?" Robin asked.

"You may, Boy Wonder!"

"What? Oh, um, no, I'd rather take second turn actually, so I can observe the situation and then come at it with my best-"

"And off you go!" Colbert grabbed Robin by the cape and tossed him towards the wheel.

"Fine then." Robin spun the wheel. He stared at it intensely. It landed on 'year old potato chips'.

"Uh… okay. I can do this." Robin looked confused at first but then regained his Leader Confidence.

"Here you go, Confident Leader Boy- may I call you Confident Leader Boy?" Stephen handed him the chips. "Anyway, here are your moldy, chewy snacks, Confident Leader Boy. Oh, I do like that…."

Robin looked over the chips. He thought of how best to eat them.

"Yes! I cheer for you, Robin!" Starfire called out from the stands with a cheerful smile on her face. "I am very confident that you can win this round and devour your foodstuffs!"

Robin gave her a wave and opened the chips. "Ew, they're moldy!" He decided the best way to approach was it to get it down fast. He poured the bag in his mouth and chewed it quickly. "EW! Chewy and fungus-riddled…"

"Good for you! You with the name of 'Cyclops', you are up next!" Stephen Colbert signaled to Cyclops.

Cyclops walked up. "Okay, this can't be too difficult now… all I have to do is spin it, and…" Scott awaited his spin with anticipation. It landed on Instant Oust. "What's that?"

"It's simple!" Stephen insisted. "Just add water!" He pressed a small black button on the remote. A bucket of water dropped from the ceiling onto Cyclops. Not only did it soak him, but the bucket hit his head. "Ow! Is that it? Are we done?"

"Sure we aren't!" Stephen pressed the bright blue button on the colorful-button covered remote and the floor opened up from under Scott, sending him plummeting down into the Underground Classrooms. Colbert looked at the camera. "Wow, that was an instant oust from the show! Who's next?"

"I thought you were picking," Kitty mentioned.

"I guess you thought wrong,"

"I'll go next!" Cyborg stepped proudly onto the stage. "Oh yeah! This'll be easy!" Cyborg spun the wheel, which went for a while from Cyborg's strength. It eventually landed on Tutti Frutti. "Okay! Fine! Wait… what's Tutti Frutti?"

"I honestly haven't a clue," Stephen Colbert answered. He turned around. "Oh, wait, here you go!"

"Oh, nasty! It's just a bowl of rotten fruits! I've had tons of Tutti Frutti jelly beans, and I don't think they taste like rotten fruit!" Cyborg commented loudly.

"And you go around sampling rotten fruits, for a living, then?" The host asked.

"Well, no, but-"

"Exactly. EAT IT, Liberal!"

"But where does the 'Tutti' come in?" Cyborg was confused.

"It's two-dimensional. Like 2-D."

"Whoa, it is!" Cyborg lifted up a rancid and completely flat apple. "Well, here goes nothing!" The brave Cyborg dumped the whole bowl into his mouth. "Hey, there were flies in there, too!" Cyborg paused, evaluating the taste. "Smelly, yet satisfying."

"Next up, we have the Valley Girl mutant, Kathyrine 'Kitty' Pryde!"

"Like, I understand why Cyke is after the other team leader guy, but why am I after, like, Cyborg?"

"Simple," Colbert replied. "It's leader-on-leader, discolored-joker-on-discolored-joker, main-popular-girl-on-main-popular-girl, and misunderstood-dark-girl-on-misunderstood-dark-girl. That only leaves miscellaneous-vs.-miscellaneous."

"Shouldn't the others also all be, like, 'vs.' instead of 'on'?"

"Get up there or I'll tell everybody how you're actually Jewish!"

"You just did." She walked up to the stage and spun the wheel. It landed on 'Armageddon', but then jumped forward two spots to 'Dark Humors'.

_So close,_ Avatarjk137 the cameraman thought longingly.

"Dark Humors?" Rogue asked with a raised eyebrow. "Isn't that, like, what demons are supposed to have running through their veins? Or just some general foul, evil-looking liquid or vapor?"

"Normally, yes," Colbert answered. "But our Dark Humors here on the set of I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You are delivered by our very own personal Dark Humor Man."

Kitty gulped. "Dark Humor Man?" Demented ice-cream-truck music filled the air, and a black ice cream truck drove onstage. 'Dark Humor' was on the side in blood-red lettering, and the truck was on fire. The ice cream man actually appeared to be the Death By Chocolate demon wearing a white shirt, smiley-face mask, and a nametag that read, "HI! My Name is: NORMAL HUMAN." He handed her an ice cream cone, which looked good except it emitted purple smoke. The Dark Humor Man then laughed evilly, and drove off as suddenly as he had come. "Do I, like, _have_ to eat it?"

"Of course not," Stephen assured her. "You can always go to the Underground Classrooms." He raised his remote menacingly, and waggled it at her.

"I think I'll eat it." She looked at the ice cream cone nervously, then just phased it into her stomach and left it there.

"Next, we have a beautiful… orange young lady, Starfire!"

"Hooray! Now I can be 'getting this over with'!" She floated up to the wheel.

"You sure are cheery for someone who wants to get this over with," Colbert observed. "You would make a good intern for my show. Anyway, spin the wheel!" _If she survives_, he pondered, _maybe I should offer the internship._

"RAHH!" She spun the wheel, launching it at extreme speed. After a moment or so, 'Antifreeze' and 'I Love U' both pushed out of the wheel by about an inch, trapping the spinner between them on 'The Rack'. "Please, what is 'The Rack'?"

A large, medieval torture device dropped from the ceiling, hitting the floor with a loud bang. It featured arm and leg restraints, and the arm restraints could be moved farther from the leg restraints to literally stretch people to near-death. Stephen motioned for her to get on. "This is The Rack."

"Do I eat it or suffer through it?"

Stephen looked at her like she was stupid. "Both. Now get on, communist!" She lay down, and the restraints snapped around her wrists and ankles. "I'm glad we got the electronic model," he said happily, and pressed a button on his remote. The Rack began to pull at her, and she began to sweat as it got painful. Finally, Starfire's eyes glowed green, she yelled savagely, and she burst free, destroying the restraints. Stephen clapped. "Excellent! Now you just have to eat it. To help you…" He fished a small shaker out of his jacket pocket. "…Here's some ground pepper." Starfire shrugged and immediately began taking bites out of The broken Rack. He watched for a few moments, and then pressed another button, producing the same effect as blowing an airhorn. "You've eaten 5 pounds of oak and metal, and the rules say 'good enough'. You win your challenge, and America congratulates you!"

"We're going into a commercial break," Avatarjk137 the cameraman said.

"We'll be right back after the author writes us back us in!" Stephen Colbert declared to the camera.

* * *

**Yeah, part two will be released on the date of Not Too Long From Now But Still Long Enough For Me To Write It.**

**This chapter was brought to you by the Nintendo Wii. Wiiiiiiii the people.**


	6. Teen Titans VS X Men Evolution Part Deux

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within. Spray on, freshness lovers, spray on!**

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"And we're back to America's hottest new show!" Stephen Colbert said proudly. "I for one, am proud of America for making it the best in ratings! And the best part: 'I Wouldn't Eat That if I Were You!' is Sanjaya Malakar free!" 

Avatarjk137 ran up and whispered something to Stephen, then darted nervously back to the camera.

"Oh… I'm sorry, America… I am getting word that Sanjaya Malakar does not sing on this show but IS in fact an available item on the Wheel of Foodstuffs!"

"Like, ew," Kitty said.

"Ms. Jean Grey? I believe you're up next?" Colbert signaled for the pretty, young mutant eighteen year-old to come up.

"Ahhh! A model American girl here! Overdone body and dye-filled hair!" Stephen took comfort in this.

"My hair is not dyed!" Jean said, grabbing a lock of her thick, too-red-for-words hair.

"Of course it isn't! Spin the wheel!"

She spun the wheel, looking determined.

"Ohhh dear! It appears we jinxed you by talking about it before! You landed on 'Sanjaya Malakar'! So sorry!"

Jean suddenly looked very worried. "Uh… no it didn't!" Jean used a pulse from her telekinetic powers and the wheel clicked forward another spot, landing on 'highway runoff water'.

"Oh, that's even better! Because of that, I won't even send you straight to the Underground Classroom like I would've otherwise for cheating with your powers obviously like that!" Stephen went on to explain the chosen item. "The item you personally chose is the water that runs on a highway, down the road, through cracks, and through where the pigeons live, so now this once clean water is full of oil, maybe cement pieces, dirt, the stuff that would come off of tires, and pigeon crap!" Stephen plunked a glass of gray 'water' with some chunks of Hunter Thompson-knows-what floating in it.

Jean stared at the water for a minute. "Uh… I'm actually smart, okay? I know what the hell kind of microbes might be in that… I refuse to drink it!" She crossed her arms.

"Then you prefer the Underground Classrooms to just a few gravely harmful microbes?" Stephen made a baby face at her.

Jean raised her hand to her chin in thought. "Ugh, fine!" She grabbed the glass and downed the hideous beverage.

"Good job! Good show!" Stephen Colbert clapped for Jean.

"And good thing you signed that waiver saying that you will never sue us, will never think about suing us, and will never even have an uncontrollable subconscious dream for one second of ever suing us!" Avatarjk137 said happily, waving the signed piece of paper around (in Monotype Cosiva font with bright blue highlighting).

"Next we have the 'discolored joker' round! Would one Beast Boy come up to the stage please?" Beast Boy came up. "I don't see race. Now I'm told you're a green person…"

"Uh, that's not actually my ethnicity making me green, but yeah, I am… why?"

"Because we now have had enough different colored contestants to avoid being ever sued for discrimination! Anyway, spin the wheel!" Stephen gestured. Beast Boy turned into a gorilla and spun the wheel, and after a few minutes, it landed on "Stephen Colbert's Ameri-Cone Dream". "Wow, you are lucky! You landed on my Ben & Jerry's flavor! It tastes like freedom!" Suddenly, the caption burned away to reveal 'blue fire'.

"Ah, man! I wanted to roll 'fudge'!" Beast Boy complained.

The host turned and stared at Beast Boy, shaking his head in disbelief. "You wanted fudge? That's not even on the wheel… oh, I get it. You're not funny by just saying random foods. That's so fascist."

"'Fascist'?" Raven questioned unenthusiastically.

But Stephen ignored Raven and continued to look at Beast Boy. "I mean, I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed… do you think saying that at random intervals makes you funny? Saying random food items like cheese or fudge or pie does NOT make you funny..."

"All right, I get it!" Beast Boy was getting frustrated. "Just start the fire!"

"Here you go!" From behind his back, Colbert yanked out an oversized flamethrower and shot it directly at Beast Boy's face.

Beast Boy answered by rolling around on the ground, screaming and yelling as his face became engulfed in blue flames. In desperate hope of putting out the fire, Beat Boy turned into many different animals. He started out with a platypus, then moved onto a Bengal tiger, then into a garter snake, then a giant clam, then a lemur, then a cassowary, then an octopus, then (in a sudden change of pace) into his normal (albeit still green) human form, and lastly into a tarantula. But the host had already saved him by spraying him generously with a fire extinguisher.

"Stop burning! I'm sure you've swallowed enough flames by now! And you almost lit the stage on fire!"

"Good thing the stage and your suit are fireproof!" Avatarjk137 the cameraman commented.

"Who's next?" Stephen Colbert tossed the limp, white powder-covered Beast Boy to the general direction of the Teen Titans.

"I am!" Nightcrawler teleported over to the center of the stage.

"Yes! Now, I am told not only that you're a blue, fuzzy person but that I have to waste time on this show asking you stupid questions to make sure we fit well into our time slot! So tell me, what are you hoping to roll on this wheel?" The host gestured to the Wheel of Foodstuffs.

Kurt waved his spike-tipped bleu tail. "Vell, I vas hoping that-"

"Wait, what?"

"I said, I vas-"

"Vas? I believe the word you are looking for in our language is 'was'."

"Yes, yes, I know that. I have a German accent! I am from Germany!" It was true; Kurt's voice was laden with his German accent thicker than pancake batter.

"I see right through that flimsy façade, mister!" Colbert crossed his arms, but then immediately lightened up and let out a chuckle. "But, if that's what makes you happy, you go ahead and pretend you're German!"

"Vhat? But… but I am…!"

"ACK! _Too much_ time on that question!" Avatarjk137 the cameraman looked at his digital watch impatiently and jumped up and down. "Spin the wheel!"

Kurt spun the wheel. It landed on 'emerald'. "That's not vhat I think it is, is it?"

"Why? What did you think it is?" The host knitted his eyebrows in confusion. A hole in the ceiling opened up and a giant emerald plopped down onto the hardy Table of Eatery.

"I have to eat that?!" Kurt whined.

"It's sure to pass through in a matter of days! Then we'll need it back, it nearly exceeds our food budget all on its own."

"Ohhh…" Kurt winced and swallowed the gem whole. "Unh… I vas lucky that made it down the first time!"

"Indeed you are. Next!" Stephen ordered.

"Yes?" Raven didn't teleport, but she used her dark powers to transport herself soundlessly next to the host. Her face was hooded by her blue cloak.

"Ah. You look like a fine, mentally unwell young teenager!"

"I'm just going to spin the wheel now," Raven reached out and spun the wheel. After a few spins, it landed on the infamous Smoothie of No Return. "That sounds promising," Raven commented sarcastically.

Colbert pressed a bright blue button on his remote, and a platform with a beautiful, gold chest came up, covered in sparkly, colorful jewels.

"And now… choose some smoothie ingredients!" The host opened the chest and smiled at the disgusting, vomit-inducing objects that were mostly composed of rotten trash.

"Oh joy…" Raven narrowed her eyes. Refusing to physically touch the putrid lot, she used her black energy to pick up a sample of tree fungus, squid ink, and dog hair.

"Good for you!" The eager host turned on the blender and the deathly smoothie was ground up in not time.

Raven glanced at the smoothie. She opened up a hole in the air, which appeared to be simply a spiral of her dark energy power that led to another random place; a transporter of sorts, and was much like a black hole.

Raven tossed the glass into the self-created 'black hole'. "There, I 'ate' it, in my own way. Happy now?"

"Sure, whatever!" The host smiled. "I guess I should ask you another stupid question to waste time… hmm. SO, how do _you _think you did?"

"I think I did fine. I'm leaving now." Raven hovered back over to her team.

"Okay then! Next scary Goth girl!"

Rogue, the last X-Man, came over with her arms crossed. "Alright! Let's get this over with!" Her scowl was laced with dark lipstick and just as much dark eyeliner, and her dark brown hair had a white stripe through it. Before waiting for a signal, she spun the wheel with her black glove.

"You landed on… _One Night In Paris_, a Paris Hilton sex video tape!"

"Ugh! Ah don't have to watch it, do I?" She had a Southern accent and sounded very disgusted.

"Oh, another person who likes to make believe? Fine then, 'Southern Belle', I will answer your question!"

"Ah'm not _pretending_ that-"

"You don't have to watch it; you have to eat it!"

Rogue screwed up her face. "Whatever! Ah'll do it! Ah just wanna get this freakin' contest over with!" She picked up 'One Night in Paris' and pulled it in half to make it easier to eat. She rolled her eyes and began eating the cassette tape.

"Good job! Before I ask the winning team what they want for a prize, I have to waste just a little more time… so tell me, is that white streak in your hair natural?"

"Yeah, it is," Rogue marched off.

The host paused dramatically. "It has come to my attention… that the X-Men are short a member! Not only that, but short a _leader_! Though you've spared yourself a dictatorship, you're well on your way to anarchy!"

Jean put her hands into fists. "Would you STOP with the political references already?!"

"No! Because you lose!" Stephen pressed another button, and all of the X-Men went spiraling downward into the Underground Classroom. "Teen Titans! Choose your prize!"

Robin furrowed his brow in thought. "I think we all might actually be okay… but I can't put my team in danger! I'm going to play it safe and pick the Pepto Bismol prize!"

"Good but boring choice!" The host said. "The prize will be transported along with you to your giant tower that is shaped like a 'T'! Okay, I'm ending the show!"

"Wait!" The poor, frazzled avatarjk137 the cameraman protested. "Don't! You still have ten more minutes!"

But Stephen Colbert ignored him and walked over to Starfire. "So, how do you feel about an internship?"

* * *

**Up next: Ed, Edd, and Eddy versus the Powerpuff Girls, with your special guest host: Paris Hilton! I'll try to keep the 'T' rating...**


	7. Ed, Ed, n' Eddy VS Powerpuff Girls

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within or the host. **

**

* * *

**

**"Aaaand now, here's 'I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You'!" **The booming narrator's voice called out in the studio, and the audience erupted in applause. **"Here's this episode's special guest host, the heiress PARIS HILTON!"**

"Huh wha?" The blond came out on stage, not walking in a straight line. She was wearing a very short jean skirt and vest.

Avatarjk137 the cameraman walked quickly on to stage and handed Paris some note cards. "Here you go. Just read these and everything will be peachy keen!"

"Peachy… queen! I'm a princess!" She smiled, revealing overly white celebrity teeth. "Okay, yeah. I'll read 'em. Uh… right. Yeah. Note cards." She cleared her throat. "Tonight's teams are the Powerpuff Girls versus Ed, Edd, and Eddy! Whoo! Those are dudes' names! They better be hot!" She raised her fists above her head.

Blossom, the leader of the Powerpuff Girls, stood over by the blue corner of the stage. "I'm Blossom! This is Bubbles and Buttercup!" She pointed to her sisters. "We're the Powerpuff Girls! We fight for truth, justice, and-"

"WE'RE the Eds!" Eddy interrupted her. "We're gonna win that CASH!"

"'Gonna'? I believe you mean 'going to', Eddy?" Double D straightened his hat and looked at the camera nervously.

"Yeah, whatever, Sockhead. Now how do we play this thing?!" Eddy demanded of the host.

"HEY! You're not hot! You're just kids!" She pointed accusingly at Eddy.

"Uh…. DUH! Now tell us about the cash prize!"

"What a rip… uh… right. I'm hot. The rules for the showww… okay, it says you have to eat whatever you spin on the wheel or you get sent to the Underground Classrooms place thing place. At the end of the show, whoever has less people gets sent to the place thing place. And the other team gets to go the final round! WHOO!" She paused. "Uh… yeah. Then there's a prize. You can take either the bug bottle o' Pepto Bismol stuff… oh my God, it's pink, I love pink… and the small cash prize of a thousand dollars, which is, like, my daily allowance…" She made a face. "Or you can take the other prize of twenty thousand dollars and your very own flying castle. That's hot. I'm hot." She fanned her face. "It's hot… Okay, someone's got to go first!"

"I'll go!" Blossom flew over. When she landed, she brushed off any dust off of her pink dress so she would look good for the camera. Then, she spun the wheel (due to her super powers, it was spinning for a long time).

The host leaned over to look at the wheel. "Ohhh, you landed on… huh, whazzit say… newspaper: Sunday edition."

"A newspaper?! How am I supposed to eat that?" Blossom queried.

Paris rolled her eyes. "Chew and swallow, IDIOT. Don't you know how to eat?" She pointed to the shiny silver table next to them, the Table of Eatery. On top of it was a thick newspaper.

Blossom cringed. "At least it's knowledge…"

"That's a better way to look at it," Double D mumbled as he averted his eyes from Blossom eating the Sunday paper section by section, Classified and Comics alike.

"Yeah, whatever…" The host muttered. "Now what?"

"YOU'RE THE HOST!" Eddy shouted. "And I'm next!" He walked over to the wheel. "SOOO much _cash_… a flying castle full of jawbreakers…" Eddy spun it, not focused on the task on at hand.

Double D looked over at the wheel has stopped on. "An MP3 player?"

"Musically delicious!" Ed looked jealous.

"I have to eat… an iPod?" Eddy held the little white gadget by it's little white headphones.

"You don't want to know what I've done with mine…" The host replied.

Looking more disgusted, Eddy held it over his mouth. "Bottoms up!" He gulped it down, having to give it one good shove to fit it all the way down. "AH! It's playing something! I can hear the sound waves traveling up!"

Bubbles flew over to Eddy. "It sounds like it's playing Mandy Moore!"

"OH MY GOD!" Eddy clawed at his stomach.

"Go away!" Paris pushed Eddy away. "Who's next and stuff?"

"I'm next and stuff!" Buttercup zipped over with the same eagerness Eddy had. "Okay, for winning!" She pushed the wheel. The wheel spun.

And spun.

And spun.

And then spun some more.

"BUTTERCUP, how hard did you spin it?!" Blossom shouted.

"Pssh! Could've been harder!" Buttercup rolled her humongous eyes.

"You get a glass of ice caterer." The tipsy host said. "Ohhh, we had a caterer at my parties… he was so hot… oh wait. It says A GLASS OF WATER. Oh. Okay. Alright. Drink water." She handed Buttercup a glass of ice water.

Before you could say, "Gee willikers, Batman! Why aren't I wearing pants?!" Buttercup had downed the water in the glass. "HA! DONE! I WIN!"

"Nooo. You have to eat the glass." Avatarjk137 the Cameraman commented.

"What?!" Buttercup did a double take at the glass. "Well. It… could've been… worse…" She cautiously began to shove the glass into her mouth, which (just like her sisters) was grossly out of proportion to her eyes and the rest of her head.

"Glass tastes like blood!" Buttercup stated before flying back over to her fellow super-powered sisters.

"Yeahhhh!" Paris Hilton thrust her fist into the air, like a true party girl. "Oh wait… Mister Producer, why are you all twirlin' your finger like that?" She pointed at avatarjk137 the Cameraman.

He was twirling his index finger in a circular motion. "PARIS! It means 'wrap it up'! Commercial time!"

"YEAH! COMMERCIALS ARE HOT!" She shouted.

"MY MOM'S TEA COZIES ARE HOT!" Ed shouted back.

* * *


	8. Ed, Edd, n' Eddy VS Powerpuff Girl Deux

**Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoons used within or the host. Why are you picking on me?**

**"Ed, Edd n' Eddy" versus "The Powerpuff Girls" continues. The winner of this battle was inspired by a review of mine. I felt it was only fair, considering the track record of both teams.**

**And yes, I know she's in jail. I almost find it funny.**

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The booming announcer voice did what it did best: announced. "Aaaaaannd WE'RE BACK with I WOULDN'T EAT THAT IF I WERE YOU!" The audience erupted with applause. 

"Your turn," Avatarjk137 the Cameraman signaled to Double D.

"Oh… alright then…" Double D looked nervous to be going to the spin the wheel. When he did, the wheel didn't spin too many times before stopping.

Today's host, Paris Hilton, looked down at the item the wheel stopped on. "Human spleen. Oh, what's that?"

"WHAT?! I can't eat a human spleen!" DD insisted. "That's cannibalism!"

"What if it's yours?" The host held up a spleen.

"IS THAT MY SPLEEN?!" Double D shouted.

"Yes."

"HOW DID YOU GET MY SPLEEN?" Double D quickly looked under his red T-shirt to see if he was cut open and bleeding. But his shirt was as freakishly clean as ever, just like everything else he owned. "You didn't cut me open!" Double D felt along his midsection. "Oh my gosh… I feel a blank spot… how on Earth did you…?!"

"It's called slight of foot," The tipsy host replied.

"Do you mean sleight of hand?"

Avatarjk137 the Cameraman answered for the host. "That's not really the issue at hand here."

"Yeah, whatever. You know the only way to get it back in your body is to eat it!" Paris handed Double D his spleen.

"But won't it just be digested?"

Avatarjk137 rolled his eyes. "Again, not the issue here!"

"This is so wrong…" Double D squealed before wincing, holding his nose, and stuffing the organ in his mouth. When he swallowed, he looked near puking.

"DON'T PUKE, SOCKHEAD!" Eddy shouted. "WE'RE SO CLOSE!"

"DO IT FOR ALL THE SOCKHEADS THAT CAME FOR YOU!" Ed encouraged.

Double D stopped retching. "Okay… I've seen better days. But I'll survive."

Ed and Eddy cheered as Double D walked shakily over to their side. Bubbles squeaked with enthusiasm as she flew over to the wheel and spun it without remembering to take her cue first.

"Hey! You're blond and blue-eyed! Like me and stuff!" The host pointed at Bubbles while the wheel was going. "I would high-five you, but you're kinda middle class. Ick. And you, like, don't have five… or even one."

After a few more seconds, the Wheel of Foodstuffs stopped on 'vacuum'.

"Vacuum?" Bubbles looked at it.

"How is she supposed to eat that? A portal?" Blossom protested.

"Wait… maybe it's like, a Hoover or something." Buttercup suggested.

"Like, a vacuum _cleaner_?" Double D asked from the Eds' side.

"No, IDIOTS. Like this kind of vacuum!" The host looked at the white remote. She pressed a square, grey button and the stairs in the audience's seat suddenly turned to ramps. An innocent young man who was carrying five large sodas and five large bags of popcorn slipped and fell (it was the same guy who had that happen to him way back in episode two). While he fell, he was heard yelling about how he wasn't even supposed to be in that studio today.

"Oops…" The ditzy heiress looked at the buttons. "Oh, pink!" She pressed a light pink button and the concession stand's popcorn maker went into overtime, until it got so much popcorn in a matter of seconds that it exploded.

"Uh… how about this…" the host pressed a button that was colored a very dark indigo. The camera turned around and started to viciously attack Avatarjk137, bashing him over and over with the lens, as if it was alive.

"Maybe white? It's not after labor day." She pressed a white button, and the speakers began playing 'Bodies' by Drowning Pool. "No, that's not it."

"My bad," The host said. She finally saw an ovular black button with the word 'vacuum' printed on it in white letters. "Oh… it says vacuum. That must be it." And she pressed it.

The platform under Bubbles suddenly sucked her into the Underground Classrooms in the blink of an eye with a high-powered vacuum.

"BUBBLES!" Blossom and Buttercup shouted in unison.

"You're up!" Paris said to Ed.

Simple Ed was more than delighted to take his turn. After watching the free food everyone else got, he was eager to go up and spin the wheel.

"Score!" Eddy said, smiling. "Ed can eat ANYTHING. If there was ever a time to get the most hideous item on the menu, it would be now. Ed can eat anything, no matter how outrageous or poisonous…"

"You landed on…" The host looked down. "Red beans,"

The other two Eds were shocked. "RED BEANS? Is that it?!" Eddy shouted.

"Just beans red from sauce? Not beans red from blood or paint or something?" Blossom asked.

"Yup. Just red beans. All food." Paris handed Ed a white porcelain bowl of red beans. Ed gulped them down in an instant.

"I had to eat an MP3 player and Double D had to eat his spleen, and all Ed got was BEANS?!" Eddy hollered.

"That's not important!" Blossom interrupted Eddy's rant and flew over to the host. "Where's Bubbles?!"

Buttercup flew over, scowling. "Tell us! Or else!"

Paris pressed the same vacuum button she pressed for Bubbles. "Down there," She said as the other two sisters got sucked down. "You win and stuff!" She pointed to the Eds.

"Awesome!" Eddy shouted.

"Wait… do we have to advance to another round?" Double D asked.

"Old rule. What do you wanna get?" She was talking about prizes.

"GRAND PRIZE! GRAND PRIZE!" Eddy was drooling.

"Yeah, 'kay!" The host smiled. Eddy was clearly in a partying mood. She loved parties. "Hey, what happened to the cameradude?"

* * *

**Next episode: "Invader Zim" versus "South Park", with your guest host David Spade! (What? He's funny. Even if he is snarky.)**

**I usually encourage constructive criticism, but I'm not sure if its possible with this fic...**


	9. Invader Zim VS South Park!

**Disclaimer: I own none of the cartoons used within. Pfft, I say! Pfft!**

**Sorry to keep you waiting.**

**Here's the first part of Invader Zim versus South Park!**

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"Welcome to 'I Wouldn't Eat That If I Were You'!" The booming announcer voice announced (how appropriate). "Our biggest hit since 'Who Wants to Stay Sane'! And now, our guest host for tonight's episode: David Spade! The snidest of snide!" 

"Hello, everybody, I have no memory of agreeing to do this!" David said, clad in one of his stylish-yet-casual-perfectly-good-for-an-asshole suit. "Oh well, now what do I have to do?" He looked at a script.

"Say what the rules are and introduce the teams!" Avatarjk137 the Cameraman ordered, still bandaged up from when his camera betrayed him last episode.

"Oh, okay… This team-" He pointed to the blue corner. "Is four completely weird 'children' but I think one is an alien and another's a robot. They're the 'Invader Zim' team."

"YES!" Dib shouted from Zim's side. "At last, finally someone sees! You realize the truth! Of what Zim really is!'

"Keep it in your shorts, kid… on the other side is four grossly misshapen kids with potty mouths… they're 'Team South Park'. And they're in the magenta corner."

"'Grossly misshapen'?" Kyle, the one of the boys clad in an orange jacket and green, oddly square-shaped hat, pointed at the host. "Why don't you take a look at your head, asswipe!"  
"Aw, aren't you sweet. Why don't I give you a reward for that and you can be the first to spin the wheel," David responded.

"HAHA, you're going first, Kyle!" Cartman, the chubbiest of the group, laughed at Kyle, acting quite appropriately like the fourth grader he and his friends were.

"Uh, me? First?" Kyle looked around in a nervous fashion. "You know, Kenny is getting impatient. Why doesn't Kenny go first?"

Kenny murmured something inaudible that sounds a lot like "What? Me?" from under his oversized orange jacket, pointing to himself in confusion.

"Yeah Kenny, you can have the first turn!" Stan made it sound like a reward.

Kenny shrugged, making another noise that resembled "Okay!" and went over to the Wheel of Foodstuffs. He spun it, in time getting his food: Force Feedback. He made a questioning noise to the host.

"Force Feedback is, uh, I don't know, but it's powered by this button!" David Spade pressed a huge black button with "Force Feedback" in small, neon green print on it. A cannon was suddenly produced from under the unfolding wheel, blasting Kenny (killing him instantly) and getting a laugh out of the host. "He didn't eat the cannonball."

"Oh my God! You killed Kenny!" Stan shouted.

"You bastards!" Kyle joined in.

"WHAT?!" Now Zim was determined to get in on the action. "WHERE did that cannon come from? What sort of hideous yet _effectiiive_ Earth technology are you keeping right under… _his_ seat?!" He pointed to Dib.

"OH come on!" Dib pointed to Zim. "He doesn't even understand how this wildly popular game show works! Clearly, he's an alien!"

"Clearly, no one gives a crap!" The host interrupted him.

"Huh. I could've told you that." Gaz commented, still not looking up from her game.

"It's your turn," The host pointed to Zim.

Dib smiled with an evil glint in his eyes. "Yes, ZIM. Why don't you go up there in front of the live TV cameras and the huge studio audience, not to mention ALL the people watching at home, and show us how… _cultured_ you are…"

Gir, the adorable little robot, squealed (we are unable to tell if it's in joy or fear). "YEEEE, MASTER! BRING HOME THE BACON! EEEEEbacon… mmmmmmbacon… bacon bacon bacon… baconYYY bacon… bacon… bacon… baconbaconbacon…" (And so on and so forth.)

Zim ignored Dib and marched over to the wheel. After carefully inspecting it, he spun it. And when he did, the spinner came back around and caught his black human hair-like wig and spun it around, exposing the antennas atop Zim's green head.

Dib jumped up on the platform near Zim and pointed, almost poking a very surprised Zim in the head. "HA! SEE? IS THIS WHAT A NORMAL HUMAN HEAD LOOKS LIKE?"

David Spade shook his head slowly and with purpose. "Dude, you're making fun of someone for having premature baldness? What's wrong with you?"

Stan, over on the magenta corner with the other two remaining members of his team, joined in on embarrassing Dib for embarrassing Zim. "Yeah, you're fucked up, dude. At least his head isn't freakin' HUGE!"

Kyle laughed. "Yeah, maybe he's only doing it so we won't notice!"

"NO! You don't get it!" Dib protested.

"We get it perfectly, kid. You need to see a counselor. It's not your turn. Go away." The host nodded towards Dib's team and Dib trudged off, disappointed but still determined.

Zim landed on 'Glowing Jelly'. When the Table of Foodstuffs gave forth a plate of jelly that glowed with the intensity of the moon, Zim stared at it. "This looks… SMELLS… like… the Plorgish Chips on my planet! A DELICACYYYYYY!" Zim wolfed down the jelly and was finished within twenty seconds. "Hmmm… a _tad_ stale." When he spoke, the paint on the wall above Zim peeled.

"Okay, next? On that side?" The unenthusiastic host looked to the South Park side and pointed to Stan. "You, with the red poofball hat. Why don't you go?"

"Okay, fine!" Stan went up to the Wheel of Foodstuffs and spun it with his poorly drawn arms. Actually, more like poorly _made_ arms, since they appeared to be made out of construction paper. "'Flavored Rice Cakes'?"

"Yeah, they could be any flavor. Cinnamon or chocolate, or cheese, or ranch dressing…" The host took out a bag of rice cakes. "Or, um, bile…" He handed them to Stan.

"Bile-flavored?! What the crap!" Stan protested.

"HA HA!" Cartman took pleasure out of Stan's displeasure.

"Shut up, fat ass! I actually have to eat this crap!" Stan opened the bag. "How much do I have to eat?"

"Hmm…" The host tapped his chin with the microphone. "Just keep eating until I say when."

"Fine…" Making a face and grumbling, the poor boy began eating the heinous rice snacks. He continued eating and eating until the strange-smelling bag was gone. Stan handed the empty bag to the host… and the host handed him a full bag in return.

"WHAT?!" Stan demanded.

"I didn't say when."

"HAHAHAHA! AAAAHAHAHA!" Cartman was finding the whole scene hilarious.

Over in the blue corner, Gir looked on, resting his metal head on his equally metal hands. "Ohhhhhhhh, I'm soooooo jell-eeeeeeees…"

"That what was very dramatic, that 'WHAT'!" Avatarjk137 the Cameraman exclaimed. "I caught it on zoom!"

"Catch this on zoom!" Stan flipped the cameraman off. A few people in the crowd made shocked noises. They were probably elderly people or maybe they're Amish because, come on, who hasn't been flipped off before?

"I will, thank you!" The cameraman smiled. "It's live TV. We'll use that as an excuse!"

Just as Stan mumbled something incoherent and opened the bag, the host interrupted him. "When,"

"WHADDAYA MEAN 'WHEN'?!" Stan shouted. "You just had me open another bag and complain to you on live television!"

"I got tired of you. Who's next? From Zim's side?" David Spade looked over ot the Zim's corner. "You, with the big head and obsessive tendencies!"

"FOR THE TWO-HUNDRED AND NINETY-NINTH TIME, I HAVE A NORMAL-SIZED HEAD!" Dib shouted.

"Hm. Maybe he's right…" Gaz murmured (still not looking up from her game console. She is _one_ with the console). "…Maybe it's not _naturally_ that way. Maybe it's _swollen_."

The quest laughed. "Ha ha ha… swollen? You're the only one I like on this whole show." Gaz didn't respond positively, but he should be happy she didn't respond negatively either.

"I thought you liked me!" Avatarjk137 piped up.

"I'm from Hollywood, man. I LIED."

Dib, meanwhile, came up and spun the Wheel of Foodstuffs, then looked at it. "Hmm… I just hope I don't get 'Bitchy Pills'. I have no idea what that would do to me…" he pondered aloud. Eventually the wheel landed on 'The Soup host Joel McHale'.

"Ohhh, you got Joel McHale? Oops, I wonder how THAT got there!" David couldn't help but smile. "Man, what a twist."

"MMMMMMFFF! Hmmm mffle mf mff fm! Pfft." The bound-and-gagged host of "The Soup" mumbled. **Translation: I implore you, my friend, to please untie my bounds and let me walk free. Moreover, I do not even believe I would be a very delectable foodstuff.**

"Do I really have to eat him? He's like six feet tall!" Dib complained. "or do I at least get some condiments or a way of cooking him?"

"EAT IT!" David yelled at Dib. "And do the world (or at least me) a favor."

"WTYFWFTFTMMMMFFFTU!" **Translation: I dislike you both very much. This show is not created for a typical human being. May death come swiftly to you and may your suffering be plentiful. My show is on Fridays.**

"Alllrighty, when we come back from break, Dib WILL eat this guy, or I WILL shove him down the Underground Classrooms with my bare hands!" The host waved as the camera turned on a commercial.

"But that's not faaaiiir!" Dib's whines were drowned out by a Senor Clean jingle.

* * *


End file.
